1. About once or twice a year I get hit with a nasty cold / flu that knocks me out completely for a couple days (I’m functionally useless and utterly miserable) and then lingers on for some time after. Well, it’s that time again. It hit me starting last weekend (just got to Mass before the worst symptoms kicked in) and has pretty much laid me out for the week. Missed school both day, alas.

Just last night it added a new trick that I hadn’t seen in a while, however; an earache. Fortunately it cleared up by morning, though there’s a little bit of aching left and I feel like it could start up again any time.

2. I don’t know whether it’s an effect of the illness or what, but I’ve been extra depressed the past couple days. Not full anxiety, just a kind of general weariness and dissatisfaction. I don’t want to engage with anything, and I can’t seem to muster up much energy or drive. The thought of doing anything or interacting with anyone makes me flinch away.

3. I realize I kind of hate this time of year, since my birthday’s coming up and it’s another year of being disappointed of where I find myself in life and unsure how to change that.

4. That’s despite the fact that I love fall colours and fall atmosphere, and I like Halloween. I would like to like this time of year, but it comes with too much in the way of baggage. Or maybe I’d like it more right now if I weren’t sick.

5. My lingering earache reminds me of flying on an airplane; the pressure always leaves me feeling a little sick and sore at best. I really dislike air travel for that an other reasons. It’s why I lament that the United States no longer has viable passenger trains, leaving air travel the only alternative to driving. I like riding on trains; you get to enjoy the benefits of driving without any of the need to be in charge.

6. When you’re physically sick, you can take time off, lay down, and most of the time it goes away after a while (though mine tend to linger annoyingly). When you feel unwell mentally, you’re never really sure what do to get better.

7. Sorry for a downbeat flotsam this week. I just don’t have much else in me at the moment. I’m hoping to feel better tomorrow.