The Five Stages of Election Fraud

Denial: “They’re not really doing this, right? No, surely even they wouldn’t dare…”

Anger: “YOU CORRUPT, ARROGANT SONS-OF-*****! WHEN I GET A HOLD OF YOU…”

Realism: “Yeah, what’d you expect? These are the great ones of this world; the people who sell their souls for the power to impose their brain-dead views on everyone else. They aren’t tolerating any kind of serious opposition for long. Welcome to the modern world.”

Despair: “Nothing matters: I’m done with this whole system. I mean, not as if any of us can do anything about it anyway it seems.”

Jewish: “I am never going to stop making mean, sarcastic comments about this…”

Tolkien’s Answer Summarized

There is a famous story about what happened when Professor Tolkien was approached about the possibility of a German version of The Hobbit in 1938. Of course, this was when the criminal Nazi government was in charge of the nation, so before the German publisher would undertake a printing they, of course, had to inquire whether he was sufficiently diverse racially pure.

Professor Tolkien found the whole notion disgusting and drafted two possible replies, both of which conveyed his intention to ‘let the German edition go hang’ if it meant playing along with this nonsense. Part of the unused (and more acid) letter ran as follows:

“I regret that I am not clear as to what you intend by arisch. I am not of Aryan extraction: that is Indo-Iranian; as far as I am aware none of my ancestors spoke Hindustani, Persian, Gypsy, or any related dialects. But if I am to understand that you are enquiring whether I am of Jewish origin, I can only reply that I regret that I appear to have no ancestors of that gifted people.”

The full letter and an account of the story can be found here. Or it could be summarized as follows:

For Halloween: ‘Don’t Drop That Knife’

(To the tune of ‘Last Friday Night’…though more directly ‘Don’t Mine at Night‘)

There’s a voice upon the breeze
There’s a screaming from the trees
Bodies all around the room
Last one left, girl, you are doomed!

Just no way to reach the car
Someone’s moving in the yard
Walls are dripping wet with gore
Now he’s pounding at the door!

Your life flashes by
And you start to cry
You’re doomed!
Oh, well.

He was caught off guard
And you hit him hard
He’s down!
(Whew!)
But don’t drop that knife

Refrain:
You just whacked him on the head
And it sure looks like he’s dead
But remember what they said
Don’t drop that knife!

I know he’s lying on the floor
But he’s been that way before
Only one way to make sure
Don’t drop that knife!

No one’ll think it is a crime
If you just stab him ten more times
Don’t hesitate and you’ll be fine
Don’t drop that knife!

Girl, it’s just the only way,
If you wanna live ‘til day – hey woah!
Don’t drop that knife!
(Here he comes again)
Don’t drop that knife!

Hiding underneath the bed
Found your boyfriend’s severed head
Think the cops are on their way
Hours left until the day!

Bleeding from a dozen cuts
Hear that chainsaw starting up
This might really be the end
Now he’s coming back again!

There’s nowhere to run
Now your life is done
You’re doomed!
This time

One more clever trick
And you hit him quick
He’s down!
(Whew!)
But don’t drop that knife

You just whacked him on the head
And it sure looks like he’s dead
But remember what they said
Don’t drop that knife!

I know he’s lying on the floor
But he’s been that way before
Only one way to make sure
Don’t drop that knife!

No one’ll think it is a crime
If you just stab him ten more times
Don’t hesitate and you’ll be fine
Don’t drop that knife!

Girl, it’s just the only way,
If you wanna live ‘til day – hey woah!
Don’t drop that knife!
(Here he comes again)
Don’t drop that knife!

(ki ki ma ma
ki ki ma ma
Ki Ki Ma Ma
KI KI MA MA)

Don’t drop that knife!

You just whacked him on the head
And it sure looks like he’s dead
But remember what they said
Don’t drop that knife!

I know he’s lying on the floor
But he’s been that way before
Only one way to make sure
Don’t drop that knife!

No one’ll think it is a crime
If you just stab him ten more times
Don’t hesitate and you’ll be fine
Don’t drop that knife!

Girl, it’s just the only way,
If you wanna live ‘til day – hey woah!
Don’t drop that knife!
(Here he comes again)
Don’t drop that knife!

The Internet, Ladies and Gentlemen

In 2011, a couple years after the release of Minecraft, one of its many players came up with a little song while doing a Let’s Play:

Not much, but it made a big impression on the fandom, especially after someone did a remix turning it into an actual song complete with an animated music video a couple months later:

Eight years later, we got this

Yeah, the internet’s awesome sometimes.