I am the very model of a modern Major-General,I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historicalFrom Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,With many … Continue reading Poem – “Modern Major-General”

When I was a lad I served a termAs office boy to an Attorney's firm.I cleaned the windows and I swept the floor,And I polished up the handle of the big front door. I polished up that handle so carefullyThat now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navy! As office boy I made such … Continue reading Poem – “Ruler of the Queen’s Navy”

MIKADOA more humane Mikado neverDid in Japan exist,To nobody second,I'm certainly reckonedA true philanthropist. It is my very humane endeavourTo make, to some extent,Each evil liverA running riverOf harmless merriment. My object all sublimeI shall achieve in time—To let the punishment fit the crime—The punishment fit the crime;And make each prisoner pentUnwillingly representA source of … Continue reading Poem – “A More Humane Mikado”

When you're lying awakeWith a dismal headache,And repose is taboo'd by anxiety,I conceive you may useAny language you chooseTo indulge in, without impropriety; For your brain is on fireThe bedclothes conspireOf usual slumber to plunder you:First your counterpane goes,And uncovers your toes,And your sheet slips demurely from under you; Then the blanketing tickles—You feel like … Continue reading Poetry – The Nightmare Song (from ‘Iolanthe’)