It seems that, traditionally, the three days between Palm Sunday and Holy Thursday are devoted to thoroughly cleaning the house in preparation for Easter.
By coincidence, I actually spent most of the weekend cleaning up, including organizing my old paper files. As usual when I look back over the last few years of my life, it was a melancholy experience, with many a missed opportunity, many a fizzled endeavor, and many a mark of how much time has passed with how little to show for it.
Depression has a compounding effect over time. You start out doing little because you’re mildly depressed and don’t feel like it, or lack discipline. Then you begin to realize how much time has passed and how far you still are from your goal, how little progress you’ve made. It seems to close in around you, bearing with it the sense that you may be simply incapable of your ambitions, or, worse still, that you might have had a chance once, but now you’ve missed your chance.
It’s important to remember that these thoughts do not come from Above. I think if there’s one thing God absolutely never does, it is discourage us. When you see the black gulf of a hopeless existence seeming to yawn at your feet, you may know for certain that it is not from God. Therefore, there is no reason at all not to ignore it.
See, there’s a fear component about this: a worry of, “but what if this is a reasonable warning from my brain, and if ignoring it sets me up for a crash later? What if I’m playing the ostrich by plunking my head into the sand? What if I’m deluding myself?” And above all “wouldn’t it be irresponsible to ignore these fears?”
Remember that this does not come from God and you have your answer to that last question. And with that answer, the other fears may be safely thrown aside. Maybe you are being the ostrich, but so be it; you’ll be an ostrich who is at least still trying.
While doing your spring cleaning this week, maybe take some time to clean out your brain a little as well.