A fun thought experiment to follow up yesterday’s review:

This match-up struck me about the time I was working on my ‘Hedorah Appreciation’ update. Two viral, nigh-indestructible aliens whose original forms are all-but unimaginable, pose an existential threat to all life on Earth, and can regenerate from a single cell.

As soon as I started thinking about who would win, it hit me: Hedorah is one of the very few movie monsters (at least corporeal ones) against whom the Thing would stand no chance whatsoever.

The Thing’s main advantage is it’s ability to assimilate and copy its victims, so that any close contact with it would risk infection. But Hedorah is a creature that consumes and assimilates toxic waste and pollution. He pretty much kills any organic being that comes into contact with him, or even just gets too close unless it’s an exceptionally powerful creature like Godzilla (and even he barely survived the fight).

The moment the Thing attempted to assimilate Hedorah, it would pretty much be finished, since we know it’s vulnerable to burning and corrosion. And on the other side, the Thing has no means to put Hedorah down, unless it somehow had to the opportunity to build a giant microwave or something. I picture the Thing making an initial attempt, realizing what it’s up against, dropping the corrupted section and booking it, only for Hedorah to fling bits of himself at it, leaving it a squealing, steaming mass on the ground as the Smog Monster walks over and consumes it.

Personally, I really like it when nearly-invulnerable, existentially dangerous monsters run smack up against something that they can’t hope to defeat and so end up on the receiving end of the same terror and frustration as their victims (one reason I like Freddy vs. Jason so much). So it warms my heart to imagine the Thing trying to take on Hedorah.